09 Oct Why does talking about miscarriages have to be taboo?
Hello KFit family. If you don’t know me, I’m Casey. I have been beyond blessed with a beautiful, spunky daughter, Rowan. As you can see in the picture from social media, aka the highlight reel, we look like a happy family, having the best time at Disney World. What most of you don’t know, is that I was suffering my second miscarriage. I am a very open book, but miscarriage was something I was a little scared to open up about…but why? Society has made us feel like these matters should be private. I feel like I’ve been keeping this huge secret and I didn’t like it. So I am happy to finally scream it from the rooftops. Being open about it is not for everyone, but I personally find it to be therapeutic. Also, I would like to note, I am not putting this out there for sympathy or attention, but for awareness and to support others.
You don’t realize how common miscarriages are until you have one. I’ve learned that 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage! 1 IN 4! And that Secondary Infertility is a thing! It’s like a secret club that no one wants to be a part of- but once you start opening up- you start hearing about others who have had similar experiences.
But here’s my whole story (I’m a reallllly bad storyteller, so this may take a while. Sorry for everything.)…
We were extremely fortunate to get pregnant easily with Rowan and have a pretty smooth pregnancy. Last year, around this time, we found out we were pregnant with our second child. Everything was going great at first, except for extreme nausea. I went in for my 12 week check up- and there was no heartbeat. To say my heart was broken would be an understatement. So many thoughts start swirling through your head. Mainly- What did I do to make this happen?!? SPOILER ALERT- Nothing! I did NOTHING to make this happen. But, when you don’t have answers, it’s hard to not blame yourself.
After I healed physically and mentally, we decided to try again. Bad luck can’t strike twice in a row, right?! Well, it did, and while walking through the happiest place on earth. I went to the ER in the middle of the night to confirm it. I knew what it was, but I was still in shock. The next day I didn’t know what to do. We decided to continue our vacation and go back to Disney. In my mind, I wanted to stay busy and strong for me, for my daughter, for my family.
When we got home from Florida, I went to the doctors and they referred me to a fertility specialist for testing. We had all the tests done without a lot of answers. Which is good because there was nothing “wrong”, but upsetting because we don’t know why!
We were offered to start IVF. Because they can test the chromosomes and genes and give you the best chance for a full term pregnancy. We debated but decided to try again on our own. We were fortunate to get pregnant rather quickly. However, last month, I went in for my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, alone (F U Covid) and… no heartbeat. I was numb. Sick. ALONE. I had a sadness I never knew was possible. I gave myself a quick pity party then I kept telling myself that everything happens for a reason, even though it made zero sense at the time. I do believe we will be able to give Rowan a sibling one day. And when that day comes, I believe it will all make sense. THAT baby was supposed to be here. If it wasn’t for the losses, that specific child would not be here. And that gives me hope.
This journey has proven to me that we, as women, are warriors. To have gone through this, some during the pandemic, has been extremely hard. But I am extremely freakin’ lucky to have an amazing support system. I cannot thank my amazing husband, family, friends, and my silly little girl enough. I could not have gotten through this without them.
Our next step- we have decided to start our IVF journey. We know that it will not be a fun ride. But we are trying to do anything in our power to help our chances. If you have had a miscarriage, have gone through infertility, or are going through it, please know that you are not alone. If you have any questions at all or just want to talk, I am here. If you have a friend or loved one that is going through a miscarriage or infertility, just be there. There’s nothing you can say to make the situation any better. But your presence and your check-ins mean the world. I’ve done some of my best grieving and healing, in the arms of my husband, mom, or a friend, crying my eyes out in total silence.
I am grateful that Kerrie gave me this opportunity to shed some light on this awful subject. We all have our own stories, battles, and struggles. You never know what someone else is going through.