06 Oct Solution-focused Thinking + Boundaries
Hi ladies! Here we are on to week 3 of our mindset homework (and almost halfway through the plan!). If you’re just hopping in on the train, no worries, just start back at our first assignment as each week builds on the last. Also, thank you to those who felt comfortable sharing last week’s assignment; I think it can be great to know that we are not alone.
This week, we are moving on to solutions and setting boundaries to protect those solutions.
Last week we identified triggers, which is important in order to know what needs to change in the first place. But we often put a helluva lot of focus on our problems, and then stop there. We put so much stock in them that we begin to see them as our truths. They are as real as the fact that our eyes are blue or our hair is brown. They become our self-limiting beliefs.
Self-limiting belief: It really hard for me to lose weight because of my genes.
Quite simply, our brain believes what we tell it. Self-limiting beliefs keep us tied to the problem. Problem-focused thinking brings about anxiety, shame, depression, guilt, and predetermined failure. It’s tough to stay motivated or driven coming from such a state of mind. We are putting all of our energy into the wrong story. We need to redirect our energy toward what we want, rather than what we don’t want.
Solution-focused thought: It have the abiltiy to make choices that affect my health in a positive way.
Reframing to solution-focused thinking will propel you toward your goals, instead of being a concrete cylinder that pulls you away from them.
Boundaries are important because pure will power is not going to be the solution. What you need to do is make a routine habit, really hard to be routine. Whether it’s an actual physical or mental habit, you need to build a mother effin FORTRESS of boundaries.
Boundary examples if you’re trying to scroll less or be more present:
I will keep my phone in a different room.
I will buy an alarm clock.
I will set social time locks on my phone.
I will add a phone bin next to the dinner table.
I will replace my unhealthy apps with brain games or my kindle app.
I will post moments I want to remember for years.
We will only bring one phone out on date night.
Almost every thought that comes into my head regarding (any issue really) I ask myself “what is the closest thing to a solution?”. I don’t always have the entire solution, but it helps me focus on a thought that directs me in the opposite direction of the problem. And that is the goal.
This week’s homework. Come up with 3 solution-focused thoughts that address issues you’ve identified. Then come up with 2-3 boundaries to protect those solutions.
My solution-focused thought is________. My boundaries are________.